10 Onion Headlines That I’d Submit If I Had More Gumption

“White Americans Agree: Chipotle an Affront to Mexican Culture”

“Doctors Regret Their Role in ‘That ALS Ice Bucket Bulls—‘”

“Report: Jonathan Franzen Still At-Large”

“Nationals Fall to 2nd in East as Congress Stands by Idly”

“Area Man Makes Caitlyn Jenner Joke, Forced Apology”

“Shy Girl Puts Up Hand in Class”

“Chris Broussard hears ESPN is Forbidden in Bible, Quits”

“Guy Says He Knows ‘Where the Bodies are Buried'”

“New Roommate Detects Shade at Housewarming”

“Sad Man Watches Pixels Alone”

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