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  1. Asking someone how their weekend was and then dying of a heart attack
  2. Answering every phone call as if you worked at Domino’s, saying that “Bruce just left and should be at your door in 5-10 minutes”
  3. Hoarding the communal kitchen items and selling them on the street corner
  4. Insider trading
  5. Going to the bathroom while on a conference call while in a conference room
  6. Showing up hungover on a Sunday
  7. Thinking outside the box to solve problems by consistently telling your boss to “piss off”
  8. Writing the next great American novel in your 20% free time
  9. Steadily establishing a great rapport with each of your coworkers over several years, only to create a worker drone named S.I.M.O.N. with a combination of their finest qualities
  10. Leaving the cream cheese container uncovered on Bagel Friday, you sadist
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