7/9/15 Monologue Jokes

All stories cribbed from the NY Times.

Hours of emotional debate ended early this morning when the South Carolina State House of Representatives voted 94 to 20 to remove the Confederate battle flag from the grounds of the Capitol. Both sides unanimously agreed, however, to not ever cover this incident in AP US History.

With banks closed until Monday and the government virtually out of money, Greece is on the verge of economic collapse. To be fair to Greece, though, there’s only so much a nation can do when they don’t have Donald Trump.

An interim police commissioner takes over in Baltimore after the mayor fired the police chief who was in charge during riots in the spring. On a related note, the complete box set of The Wire is now half off on Amazon.

Chuck Blazer, a former American soccer official who pleaded guilty to corruption charges, has been expelled for life by FIFA. His cats are still eligible for office.

The London Underground is in the midst of its first full-scale strike today in 13 years, in a dispute over pay. However, it wasn’t a disaster until the Ministry of Silly Walks also announced its closing.

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