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Below is my pending submission for a Sports Science segment. I have high hopes for it and am eager to get feedback regarding it.

5 years ago at Wimbledon, John Isner and Nicolas Mahut played the longest tennis match of all-time. It was so long that it took 3 days to complete. That’s 2 more days than the average tennis match!

The craziest part of the match was the fifth set, which Isner won 70-68. No, I didn’t f—— stutter—I said 70-68! Combined, that means the two of them played 138 games of tennis—wow! To think about that another way, if you asked your 100-year old grandmother to play a game of tennis for every year that she lived, she’d still have to play 38 more games to tie what Isner and Mahut did! I mean, if she actually did that, she’d probably die! Holy s—!

Guys, seriously–that’s a buttload of games!

Have you even picked up a tennis racket before? It’s a pretty hard sport to play. When you consider that, maybe the most impressive fact is that Isner and Mahut played tennis for 8 hours, 11 minutes, without succumbing to their deepest, darkest fears of inadequacy! That’s nuts! I can’t even talk to a girl for more than 90 minutes before psyching myself out. And here they are, whacking a yellow ball back and forth at like, pretty fast speeds, over and over again. They’re greater men than you or I.

No, I don’t know how fast they were hitting it. Maybe like 50 MPH. 55, tops.

Before we go, let’s talk about John Isner’s serve: in the match, he had 113 aces. One hundred and thirteen aces at goddamn Wimbledon. Jesus Christ. Play that number over and over in your head at night, maybe right before you fall asleep, and you’ll slowly realize: your father will never be proud of you!

For Sports Science, I’m John Brenkus.