2/10/15 Monologue Jokes

All jokes cribbed from the NYTimes.

Most probate judges in Alabama are not issuing same-sex marriage licenses, despite the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision Monday to uphold a ruling allowing the marriages. I’d say give it time, though, because on any given day most probate judges in Alabama are pretty unproductive.

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former chief of the International Monetary Fund who is accused of helping to procure sex workers for a prostitution ring, denied the charges today in a criminal court in France. While making his defense, Mr. Strauss-Kahn reportedly said, “I’ve never been one to help.”

A media research firm has found that Brian Williams slipped to the 835th position on the list of most-trusted people in America, down from 23rd. Coming in at number 834? The guy who made this list.

The Justice Department is pushing some of the biggest banks on Wall Street to plead guilty to criminal charges that they manipulated the prices of foreign currencies. In a district backroom Monday, the Justice Dep’t was seen telling the biggest banks that “we’re just trying to figure this out” and “you don’t need to talk to a lawyer” while also verbally berating the banks, utilizing the classic interrogation technique of Good Justice Department / Bad Justice Department.

Boston, where public schools are closed today for the seventh snow day this season, on Monday set a record for the most snow recorded over 30 days in the city. The previous record occurred was when Rick James’ tour bus broke down outside Framingham.


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