2/6/15 Monologue Jokes

All stories cribbed from the NYTimes or SeekingAlpha.

Teach for America, the education powerhouse that has sent thousands of handpicked college graduates to teach in some of the nation’s most troubled schools, is suddenly having recruitment problems. One hypothesis is that prospective teachers are becoming deterred by TFA’s short training process and other criticisms they’ve heard from alums of the program. Actually, I think TFA should be proud: based on this, the program is finally causing some actual learning.

As was widely expected, RadioShack filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in Delaware, saying its debts outweighed its assets by nearly $200 million. Fortunately, for just $49.99, you can own a remote-controlled portion of these assets that falls apart after five minutes of use.

Tiger Woods’s latest comeback suffered another setback Thursday when he quit after 11 holes of his opening round at the Farmers Insurance Open, citing a stiff back. I’m no golfer, but I have some advice: Tiger shouldn’t move all of his worldly possessions every time he travels to another tournament.

Pfizer’s acquisition of Hospira is the first major deal for the drug giant since last year’s failed attempt to buy AstraZeneca for more than $100 billion. The CEO of Hospira, a firm that produces morphine, was reportedly asked about his prediction for the acquisition. His response: “Pain.”

Twitter’s Q4 earnings report said it had 288 million regular users in the last quarter, fewer than analysts’ expectations of about 291 million. Analysts reported that the number of “Favs” was down 2%, while casual user racism fell in line with expectations.


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