Monologues Jokes 1/27/15

All stories cribbed from the NYTimes.

The recent Northeastern snowstorm has caused driving bans to take effect across New York City, New Jersey and Connecticut, as subway and bus service was suspended, and Hudson River crossings closed. The fear, authorities proclaimed, wasn’t so much the weather as it was the sheer volume of Chris Christie jokes from your annoying co-workers.

Auto loans to the poor, a booming business in lending to poor people with bad credit who need cars to get to work, is as much about Wall Street’s demand for high returns as it is about used vehicles. The NYTimes also wants you to read its startling expose on how loan sharks are bad, and not having your kneecaps bashed in by a Louisville Slugger is a good resolution for 2015.

The Congressional Budget Office sees a rise in Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security spending as baby boomers age. The biggest individual expense? You guessed it–adult diapers!

Microsoft said the weak personal computer market hurt its Windows business, as second-quarter net income dropped to $5.86 billion from $6.56 billion a year ago. Microsoft also blamed the decline in business on such factors as AM talk radio, its ex-wife Janice, and the fact that the company manufactures a garbage product.

LinkedIn data on college graduates is a goldmine for schools seeking to identify alumni willing to mentor students or recruit them for jobs. The secret to finding these graduates, one college administrator said, is to find those individuals who’ve been endorsed for “brown-nosing.”

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