7/15 Monologue Jokes

All stories cribbed from NYTimes online.

A large new analysis has concluded that therapy to suppress the production of testosterone does not extend the lives of patients with early-stage prostate cancer. The analysis was conducted via an anonymous survey of the Men’s Rights Advocates’ subreddit; however, the findings from the survey may be difficult to extrapolate to the wider population, as on average the reported penis size of the individuals was, “like, 11 inches, at least.”

President Obama is having increasingly frequent late-night dinners, here and abroad, with companions from fields like architecture, film, art and literature. “You know who also ate dinner?” an incensed Ann Coulter was overheard saying. “Adolf freakin’ Hitler, that’s who.”

The Church of England voted Monday to accept women as bishops, a vote that overturns centuries of tradition and overcomes a dispute that had undermined the unity of Anglicans. Women had been accepted previously as queens and pawns, but the vote is considered symbolic at best, as there are no diagonal corridors within the physical church.

Qatar began an ambitious program to identify and train talented boys from Africa as it sought to build its credibility as host of the 2022 World Cup. While the state of the soccer team is still up in the air, the country announced Monday that with this new program, the construction of the eight projected stadiums has moved well ahead of schedule.

On July 15, 1918, the Second Battle of the Marne began during World War I. The sequel was only green-lit by the Central Powers studio after the initial box office success of “Battle of the Marne,” but with a bloated script and poor special effects, Director Ludendorff was never quite able to recapture that magic, and was given the Razzie for Worst Nationalist in a Leading Role.


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